(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1993 and was fortunate to have attended two lecture series given by Master Li. Looking back on my cultivation journey, I did well in some regards and poorly in others. There were also instances that I deeply regret. It may not always have been smooth sailing in my cultivation, but my faith in Master and the Fa has never wavered.
I’d like to share one particular struggle I dealt with in my cultivation: It took me 19 years (from 1993 to 2012) to finally be able to sit in the full lotus position to meditate. Both my body and mind were greatly tempered during the long, drawn-out process.
Before I took up Falun Dafa, people who didn't know me well thought I taught physical education when I told them I was a schoolteacher. They thought that because I was very athletic. After I began to practice Falun Dafa, I was shocked that the athletic me was unable to cross my legs on top of each other with my feet resting on my thighs (in the lotus position) during the meditation, no matter how hard I tried. Getting my legs in that position thus became a huge test to overcome in my cultivation.
From the moment I made up my mind to practice, I realized the huge karma I had was being pushed out of my body at a fast pace, which, in turn, manifested in my unusual physical condition. For instance, I couldn’t squat on both legs at the same time. If I did, my body would feel like it was going to explode. I could only do a one-legged squat if I had to squat. I felt that my body was twisted and knotted everywhere. I had a hard time bending over, and I could only slightly lower my head. From my shoulders down, my back felt as stiff as a board. I could not turn my left foot outward, and I had trouble lifting my left foot to rest on my right knee during the meditation.
When I sat down to do the meditation for the first time, I could not even press my left leg down against the ground, and I only managed to put my right leg on the calf of my left leg. Even in this position, every minute was unbearable.
When I meditated with other practitioners, I initially didn’t want them to see me struggle, so I always waited for everyone to cross their legs and close their eyes before I moved my legs. Later I realized that my waiting like that was a manifestation of my attachment to vanity and face-saving. So I let go of it and started moving my legs at the same time as everyone else.
A new student of Falun Dafa saw me struggle and said I didn’t look like a veteran practitioner the way I crossed my legs. Other fellow practitioners also commented on whether I should just meditate at home so as to not negatively affect newer practitioners. But my thought was that my perseverance in trying hard to get my legs crossed might actually inspire others.
Master taught us in his poem “Falun Dafa” in Hong Yin:
“Gong cultivation has a way, the heart is the pathDafa has no bounds, hardship serves as the ferry”
When I first read the above, I felt as if I had found a real shortcut for cultivation: It was to cultivate my character and endure hardship. I could achieve both through my struggle of getting my legs crossed. I thanked Master for his unique arrangement for me.
Master also said in Lecture Three of Zhuan Falun: “As a cultivator, your path of life will be changed from now on. My fashen will rearrange it for you.”
If my struggle to cross my legs was what Master arranged for me, I would just need to keep trying to get better. I used a rope to secure my legs so they did not slide down. I even used sandbags to press my legs down at times. If my sitting meditation was not up to the standard, I would do more of the standing exercises to make it up. One time, I did the first exercise nine times and my bones felt like they were going to fall apart afterward. I realized I was too eager for success, and I stretched too hard.
I had also hoped to keep my legs crossed during Fa-study as many other practitioners did, but it hurt too much, so I knelt instead. The back of my knees then started giving me trouble and hurt a lot. I changed to a different position until it was unbearable again. Anyway, it was commonplace for me to experience all sorts of discomforts as I tried hard to be a better cultivator.
I held no grudge about enduring the hardships because I firmly believed it was the path that Master had arranged for me. I did not know how much karma I had, but I was certain that the more I endured, the less my karma. So I practiced crossing my legs whenever I had time, and I did not feel any bitterness or fear in doing so. I just knew that as long as I was in pain, I was eliminating a chunk of my karma.
I also paid attention to not developing any attachments during the process, such as envying others for being able to sit in the lotus position, worrying about when I’d be able to do that too, feeling despondent, and fear of suffering pain. As soon as those thoughts surfaced, I would command them to stop immediately, because I did not want those thoughts to cause additional difficulties to my cultivation, especially given that I already had so much karma.
But even with such hard work, my meditation situation still did not improve much after several years. My fellow practitioners were also worried about me. One wondered if I was too attached to enduring pain, and another cautioned me that my cultivation level would be affected if I still could not cross my legs properly.
While I myself was not attached to crossing my legs in a full lotus position, I did have a question in my mind: Master said that even people who had nails or metal plates in their legs were eventually able to cross their legs. Why had I not been able to after so long, especially given that I considered myself to be relatively diligent and solid in cultivation?
In 1998 I dreamed I was running down a road when a gang of motorcyclists came at me from the opposite direction. Every motorcycle had someone on the back trying to hit me with a stick as they passed me. I shouted, “Master, Master” as I ran, and the sticks never really touched me. The road came to an end, and there were endless snow-capped mountains in front of me that I had to climb over to get home. This dream made me realize that the road of my cultivation would not be smooth.
I had a question for Master after the dream: “I have cultivated for a long time. Why can’t I make a breakthrough in my meditation?” A voice popped up in my head, saying, “You have to suffer more than others!” I realized that Master had answered my question. I felt relieved and immediately sat down to meditate. Thinking of the snow-capped mountains in my dream, I said to myself, “Sitting for five minutes is the same as climbing five meters uphill on a snow-capped mountain.”
One day in 2003, as I was moving my legs to do the meditation, a thought occurred to me, “It’s been ten years and it is still the same.” I felt a little bitter and sad at that moment, but I stopped the negative thought right away. As soon as I started to meditate, I entered a state of tranquility: My body felt like an erupting volcano, reaching straight into the sky. The sensation lasted for many seconds. I knew that Master was encouraging his disciple, and I came to see that, while my legs in the human world seemed clumsy and I couldn’t cross them properly, the changes to my body on the other side had been enormous. Tears of gratitude flowed silently. I felt a sense of relief and was no longer bitter when I did the meditation again with my less-than-perfect posture.
At the beginning of 2012, it suddenly dawned on me that it had been nearly 19 years since I started cultivation, and yet I still had not been able to meditate in the full-lotus position. I wondered if it would be like this until I reached consummation. I asked myself, “Can I accept that?” Yes! If this were really the arrangement, it would mean that every day I’d be given this form of opportunity to eliminate karma and cultivate my heart.
One day in May 2012, I had strong symptoms of karma elimination and I felt extremely weak. I sensed there was going to be a big change to my body and cultivation. I didn’t go out for five days (I lived alone), and every day I studied the Fa, did the exercises, sent righteous thoughts, and read articles on Minghui.org. On the fifth night, I was suddenly able to put my legs on top of each other for the first time ever, and I meditated in the lotus position for a full hour.
After 19 years, I finally did it! Tears of gratitude ran down my cheeks.
Looking back, I realized that I had been making the choice every step of the way over my years of cultivation: “Do I use righteous thoughts or a human heart to deal with the issue of crossing my legs and other cultivation matters?” I chose righteous thoughts and passed one milestone after another on my cultivation journey. In order to walk a righteous path, the only way is to study the Fa more and study the Fa well.
Nothing that a cultivator encounters is accidental. Wherever there is a need to improve, a test will appear. Each cultivation’s situation is different, and the levels and difficulties encountered in cultivation are different. Nonetheless, we should handle whatever comes our way with righteous thoughts and examine at all times whether our thoughts are in accordance with the Fa and what attachments have been eliminated, without becoming attached to the outcome.
Just like my leg-crossing issue, I handled many other things in my cultivation with righteous thoughts. As I removed one attachment after another and improved myself gradually, my karma was eliminated piece by piece. The attachments that were cultivated away were like the “stepping stones” that propelled me to elevate my level of cultivation.
Even if we stumble along the way and fail to pass certain tests well, we should keep in mind that that is the process of cultivation. We just need to get up quickly and do it better. Our faith in Master and the Fa cannot be shaken by our occasional stumbles.
I wrote down this spiritual journey of mine to remind and encourage myself to remain as diligent as I was when I first started to cultivate, to fulfill my mission to assist Master in Fa-rectification and save sentient beings, and to walk the path ahead well.
I thank Master from the bottom of my heart for his compassionate salvation!
(Selected Submission Celebrating the 24th World Falun Dafa Day on the Minghui Website)
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